Homeward bound

30Jun09

All packed and ready to go. About twenty minutes more before I pack up my Macbook and head down to wait for the bus that will take me to the airport.

Confession: I have butterflies in my stomach.

Why?

I feel kind of shy at meeting Gerard all over again. I know it has only been four months, but it feels like forever and it is making me feel like I am meeting him all over again for the first time. The “first date” feeling. The butterflies in your stomach that you have when the guy whom you have this humongous crush on finally agrees to go out with you, you take eons to primp so that you can impress him, while feeling nervous that he will not like you. That kind of feeling. Haha.

I feel silly.

An entire day tomorrow to spend time with each other. Bliss. The best way to explain that feeling would be this quote that Gerard saw when he attended his friend’s wedding.

Sitting next to you doing absolutely nothing means everything to me

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Peace and quiet

29Jun09

I just need some space. I really do. I miss going out of course, but with on 3 weeks in Singapore, I just want to rest. So badly. Hopefully I will be home for good end of the year, so I can meet everyone then.

I just need to rest.

I just want to be with Gerard, my family and a couple of close friends.

I will be with Gerard most of the time, so anyone who meets Gerard will meet me.

I know I sound so needy. If I was not away for FOUR months, I would not meet him as much. So within those three weeks, we will have to make up for the four months that we spent apart. I shall have to justify myself in a proper post one day. I always feel that I have to justify myself so as to enable people (in general) to understand where I am coming from. I do not want to impose my ideas on others, rather to persuade with logic, so others would understand my perception of the situation.

I am so tired. So very very very tired.

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Insensitivity

28Jun09

Run Melbourne today. 10km and I nearly gave up. Give up = walking. I did not want to walk at all. I wanted to give up so many times. Hills up and down. Cursing at whoever planned the route. Can just imagine the person saying, “Hehehe, let’s go up that hill”. Oh bother.

Finally finished the run. Elated, but happiness died down soon.

I realised it was just 10km. Brother had just done 42km a few weeks ago, Dad had always been doing 21km. It was just 10km. I completed it with a poor timing too. Abysmal.

Fat fat fat fat. DO YOU KNOW HOW AWFUL IT FEELS TO BE CALLED FAT? Giving your thighs names. I tried explaining my hatred of being called fat to someone. But the person just did not understand. I was just told that other’s were merely teasing me. Being called short, being teased continually, no I eventually caved and just ranted…to the wrong person. I just realised that it is easier to be silent, it just take it all in. To just run, to exercise, to do what I want.

I eat what I want. Now I have to bust my ass off, because I am unable to tolerate the teasings anymore. Just get off my back!

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Too many things + Home

26Jun09

Homeward bound in a couple of days. Way later than my peers, but I got a cheap airfare, so I should be happy. Missing Gerard so much it is scary. Seeing the movie ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’ reminded me of him. Gah.

So much to say. So exhausted. I need time, space and little sanity.

Packing, filing notes, thinking of what to bring home. Purchasing stuff to bring home. Cleaning the house, which is half driving me crazy because I am obsessed over cleanliness, depending on your interpretation of “cleanliness”.

I have decided that when I get back to Singapore, I am going to meet up with as few people as possible. I need to spend time with Gerard, I need to really talk to him, to just have space. I know it sounds silly that having space means spending time with him. Think of it as, when you sit at the window and read, you have a cup of hot chocolate nearby. Well Gerard is my cup of hot chocolate, soothing and calming. He even fetches things for me! Haha. Ok I just made him sound like a dog. Whoops.

I need to spend time with my family. To talk to all of them. I realise we rarely talk. Hmmm. It’s those interesting dinner conversations with the entire family that makes me miss them. In a strange way. Leading very varied and busy lives keep conversations interesting I guess. Haha.

I just need to meet a couple of close friends plus a Wii gathering with Gerard, his friends, Colin, Wee Chin, Hon Wei, Ken, Pei Yu, Xue Na (maybe), Nick (maybe) and I think I am pretty much done with meeting people.

Sorry to Gerard’s friends and Wee Chin and company (haha), I will be pretty much stuck to Gerard for my holiday. His choice ok! Combined decision. No choice la, I will be back for less than a month, then gone till late December. Oh joy. Anyway, if you guys meet Gerard I will be there too! Bleh I FEEL SO NEEDY! It is so frustrating, but I guess time spent apart is just so long. Plus infrequent conversations. Sigh.

I am so tired. So so so tired. Mentally. I keep trying to focus on going home, but it seems so insanely far away. Gosh, I feel so whacked for not being able to cope with this long-distance thing better than I hoped. I feel such a wuss for not being more immune. I hate the crippling means of conversation (expensive phone + Internet bills) are a huge hindrance to us being able to communicate.

Exercise (Pilate + running) have helped to distract me, but when my mind starts to wonder (as it always does), I invariably think of home (not just Gerard) and I feel so frustrated. And guilty. At the amount of money I am spending. Need to start work.

No amount of words can explain the amount of frustration and exhaustion that I am feeling. The feeling of powerlessness. That just achieving good grades will not alleviate my unhappiness.

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Kitten for adoption

10Jun09

The title says it all. My sister’s friend found a kitten and is looking for a home for it. A good home please! She (the kitten) is so adorable and lively! I have not been able to play with her as I am stuck here in Melbourne. Pfft. By the way, the kitten is in Singapore.

Message from my sister’s friend:

We found a kitten in a shoebox when it was a few weeks old but due to the fact that we already have around twenty cats it’ll be impossible to take in another one. We hope to find a home for this kitten so please pass around the word!

Details of kitten:

She’s female, has blue eyes and is dark gray in colour. Very playful and friendly!

Photos of kitten:(Apparently she is rather camera-shy/afraid of camera, hence the lack of photos)

kitten hiding

kitten with bright shiny eyes

Here’s a video of her hurtling around:

Spread the word around okay?

I already know the perfect person to take in the kitten, but I doubt the person can. Sigh.

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Tags: adopt, homeless, kitten

Calling home

07Jun09

Annoyed to the max! Trying to find a cheap and reliable way to call back to Singapore.

Requirements:

1. Cheap
2. Able to call a Singapore mobile phone
3. I can call while I am on the move (ie using my mobile phone)
4. Not have to use an Internet connection to call

Goodness!

I have tried many many many ways and spent a ton on testing out these ways. I shall blog all the ways one day. Pfft. I am -this- close to obtaining this method of calling home that fulfills all my requirements. Google is certainly my friend.

Cera think I am stressed over nothing, but this problem is eating me up.

For anyone who is interested, I am using a Nokia E63 (Symbian OS) mobile phone, 3 prepaid line, subscribing to the X-Series International calling pack. My mobile phone is not purchased from 3, which is the main source of the problem. I do not have the Skype software that comes pre-installed in the 3 phones. The Symbian OS is also a problem as I have only found a solution for Windows Mobile phones.

Am going to subscribe to the Unlimited World plan from Skype. Requirement 2 fulfilled.

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What if

06Jun09

Sometimes you just want to scream and talk to someone, to vent out what you feel. Sure you have friends, friends who are willing to listen and comfort you. But what if, what if all you wanted was to talk to this particular person.

What if you could not. 6, 057 kilometres away.

Bite your lip. Hard. Dry your eyes. Focus on your studies.Ultimately, it is all about the grades. Right?

The right words are all wrong. Or maybe they do not work anymore.

The strain is killing me. No it is not just the grades. A whole mess of smiles and slitty eyes. Ugh. Begone.

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Tags: stress

I am not a pilates newbie

02Jun09

Upgraded to Pilates Level 2 today. First lesson. Ugh. I was so unused to the new moves that we were doing on the reformer machine that I lagged behind everyone in the class. Plus it was mostly core/upper body work that I am especially weak.

I basically was the first to stop and catch my breath as my body was hurting so bad. I also was unsure of how and which areas of my body to tense and hold. Pain in lower back which meant that I was not using my core muscles properly.

After class, Cera told me that there were two ladies at the back of the room who were glaring at us. Most likely because we were both unused to and unsure of the new moves, so looked like lost sheep. Though I bet I looked more lost. Cera picked up the moves pretty quickly while I craned my neck around. Cera said that they seemed to be thinking, “Newbies. Pah. Slowing down the class.” *Disdainful look*

Now that totally changed my attitude because:

• My instructor told us that we could go to level 2. We did not “act smart” and take the initiative to “level up”
• We were unused to the moves, so had to listen closely to instructions before beginning the exercises, hence were slower than the rest.

Come on, the rest were all regulars. They seemed to have done all the moves before and were already properly positioned when the instructor had only just started to explain which exercise he wanted to be done.

Annoyed.

Now I will have to work harder during my small group sessions and train my core at home. That will show those annoying people that I am no pushover.

On the bright side, I had the slimmest arms. I also have no intention whatsoever of making them look big and bulky, so did not try to push myself when it came to more “arm work”.

I know this post sounds rather ranting and bitchy, but I busted my butt during class. I will not be looked down upon! BAH! I have sweated and ached my way to get to the level 2 class, not that my goal was to climb up to the next level of classes, so I have to prove that I deserve my spot there and can do the bloody exercises.

Onward!

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Tags: pilates

Strike

25May09

There was a NTEU strike on May 21. A couple of days ago. I was rushing to school (at around 10am) and cut through the main campus. There were people handing leaflets out and putting signs up. I exited the main campus and headed to the ICT Building.

The entrance to the ICT Building was barricaded by two protesters (a male and a female) waving signs. Unable to recall what was written on the signs. Was in too much of a hurry. The female protester spoke to me. Conversation might not be exact as a few days have passed.

“Do you know that we’re on strike?”
“Uh yes”
“We’re asking students not to attend lessons or use the university’s facilities to support the strike”
“Ummm, but I need to meet a friend in the university”
“Well, can you meet your friend outside?”
“Sorry, we can’t. We have to make use of the computers in the school. We’re rushing a project.”
“Well doesn’t your lecturer know of the strike? Could they extend the dateline?”
“We tried asking for an extension, but there’s none. Sorry!”
“Oh well, it’s just a strike, we can’t force you not to go in”

She reluctantly let me through and i raced in.

Exciting much! Too bad I did not take any photos.

When I came out for lunch later, the protesters were gone. Sheesh. I thought they would have stayed the whole day! My friend said that even protesters have to go for lunch. Hurhur. But even after my lessons ended late in the afternoon, I did not see anymore protesters.

Email sent to all students on May 19

Dear student,

The National Tertiary Education Union (NTEU) is taking industrial action at
the University of Melbourne on Thursday 21 May 2009.

This means that some University staff may not be attending work on that
day. The University deeply regrets that students who are not a party to
this dispute may suffer some inconvenience as a result of the NTEU action.

Please be advised that the University will be open as usual.

Some of your classes and access to services, including some libraries, may
be affected but please check with your Student Centre, the Library or
directly with your tutors and lecturers to see if there will be any
disruption to your timetable or intended plans on campus that day.

Gillian Luck
Vice-Principal and Academic Registrar

Of course the university took steps to dissuade staff from participating in such strikes. Grin.

————————————————————-

I wish I was home. I am sick of staying overseas without my close friends, family and Gerard.

On the bright side, project interview went rather well. Thanks to my shitass brilliant team members who saved my sorry ass. Phew.

One more project due on Friday and I am good to go. Go and study for exams that is. Pah.

Celebratory dinner is a half-hearted affair. But what has to be done, has to be done. Kill all the birds with one stone. If only I could fly back home tomorrow like my friend. Oh joy.

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Tags: NTEU, strike

In a bog

18May09

Goodness. I am insanely stressed. I kid you not. Never have felt more stressed than ever. Everything hinges on my grades, that it is so not funny anymore. Incoherent, stressed, cranky. Do not mess with me. I am losing my sense of humour and patience. Rargh.

Gerard went through with me my studying plan last night. I feel a bit better and slightly more focused. He wants me to get H1 (distinction. 80% and above) for all subjects. Very cute. *sarcasm* I am glad that we do not have examinations at the same time. He is having his holidays now, and so is able to talk to me and calm me down. Thank goodness.

Only go on chatting application to discuss school work (with Fergus), talk to Sis and Gerard. Anyone else, sorry that I replied you pretty slowly. I was doing school work or house work.

On the bright side, I have been having personal pilates lessons in Melbourne! Two 2-on-1 (1 instructor, 2 students) sessions with a pilates instructor assessing the “body defects” of Cera and I. I will have to focus more on strengthening my ‘core’ and legs. Then we went for a 1-on-1 (1 instructor, 1 student) session to finalise our exercise program. We will be going for once a week 4-on-1 (1 instructor, 4 students) sessions with three group (our choice of pilates, yoga and reformer) classes. I love the place that I go to for pilates! It is so serene and zen-like. The staff are so friendly too!

I managed to run up to 2+km each time I went running. We tried running a few times a week, but I will have to cut it down to once a week, due to pilates (alternative to running) and cramming for my exams. I am so glad that it does not hurt anymore when I run. When I first managed to run, my injured foot hurt so much, but I pushed on and it stopped hurting after awhile. I was so happy! I love running! The wind blowing, the rush of adrenaline, the ‘buoy’ you feel when you sprint for the finish line. Brilliant!

I might take up kickboxing with Cera. Get back into the groove. It has been such a long time since I have done some form of martial arts. Though I do not consider kickboxing to be a true form of martial arts. I can not commit to learning a new form of martial arts as my future in Melbourne is still uncertain.

I have a sense of impending doom. Soon. Pointless to stress about it. Sigh.

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